05/09/19

VISIONS | A Poem by Devonnie A. Black

visions poem-devonnieb black

One day,
while sitting at home,
minding my business,
legs crossed, sage burning,
surrounded by crystals,
i began to have visions.
the first thing i noticed was that my apartment smelled…distant.
i could no longer smell the hot coffee in my kitchen.
in its place was the lush scent of moss on a tree
in a rainforest after a genrous spring.
i remember thinking how potent it smelled. it was trippy.
then there was the Sun.
i felt almost blinded by the light.
shining high in the sky, like
this place never knew night.
never knew what it meant to have darkness overwhelm you,
but understood it enough to know that it exits all around you.
it looked like i was walking,
but felt like i was floating.
The entire time my body’s in my living room, zoning.

the Sun wasn’t just the Sun.
it was my protector and my educator.
each step i took made it feel more like a savior.
the light was warm,
i could feel it pulling me towards something greater.
it started in my chest.
making it hard to breathe.
it’s crazy how real your brain
can make anxiety feel.
see, the warmth was my thoughts,
the sunlight, my right of passage,
getting too close to enlightenment,
does my darkness damage.
i opened my eyes back in my living room,
clutching my chest,
desperately trying to hold on to that version of myself.

it took a few days for me to understand what happened,
imagine a version of yourself unrestricted by habit?
no formed conclusions of how life should look,
or what material things you should have in it?
we were being programmed way before we knew what it meant,
how much time do you think it takes to unlearn all you know
about yourslef?
a few days after i saw what was planned for me,
i had back to back attacks.
my own potential seems to trigger my anxiety.
i’m so hard on myself,
i also know that i’m growing,
it’s my first time on this journey,
i don’t know where i’m going.
fuck a fake it til you make it,
i want to feel every part of it.
write it down,
document it, share it,
and make art from it.
beacsue at the heart of this,
is my heart, no less.
i’m kinda discovering what my purpose is,
may or may not end u a starving artist,
but i’m just trying to walk the path back to that forest, sis.

one day,
while sitting at home,
just minding my business.
legs crossed, sage burning,
surrounded by crystals,
i began to have visions.

and my life hasn’t been the same since.

-Devonnie A. Black

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