04/11/19

Stop Giving 3 Day Energy to 3 Hour Friends

This past weekend I learned another valuable lesson in protecting my energy as well as the importance of not placing the same expectations of friendship on everyone in your life. Not everyone is a bestie. Some people are great human beings who you aren’t meant to get any closer with. They are the people who are in your life for a specific reason or a season. I know that can seem like a foreign concept to some but it’s crucial to setting and knowing boundaries. I have always been of the mind that someone you can’t spend more than 3 hours with probably shouldn’t get the same energy as a best friend who you could be on vacation with for over 3 days. This is by no means a new idea for me, I just need a reminder from time to time.


Here’s what happened; I decided to go visit a friend. The response to me surprising them was so hurtful and definitely uncalled for. It made me feel as though I was being reprimanded for checking up on my friend and my presence was not okay. I apologized for not considering their feelings and left. One thing people should know about me is that, “Mi nuh beg fi fren”, which is Jamaican Patois for I do not beg anyone for their friendship. Besides, my circle is strong, I am not lacking in the friend department by any means. At that moment, all I could think about were my other close friendships and how this would have never been an issue. I started subconsciously ticking off all the people in my life who would have met me with a completely different response. I sat in the back seat of my Lyft on the way home, brows furrowed in deep thought, rehashing what had just transpired. Did I do something wrong? Were they just having a bad day? Honestly, I felt really shitty.

“I was giving ‘3 day’ energy to a ‘3 hour’ friend.”

That’s when it hit me. They had every right to react that way. I showed up without confirming. I had placed expectations on a friendship that wasn’t even a year old and had not been through the same experiences and trials that ultimately bond people together. I was giving “3 day” energy to a “3 hour” friend. I had to take a step back and truly reevaluate our relationship. I realized that we had a working relationship and that this meant I had to check the amount of time and energy I was donating. Because ultimately, if you’re in any kind of relationship where your energy isn’t being matched or reciprocated, you need to start collecting receipts because that is a taxable donation, love. It is 2019, and while you should treat everyone with love and warmth, we are not in the business of pouring into people who are unable to refill our own cups.


Honestly, this reminder came at the perfect time. Sometimes I get so excited about the potential of a friendship or relationship that I dive right in and give it my all and that can lead to me experiencing disappointment from failed expectations. You should always hold your friends to high standards, just make sure they deserve and/or want to take on the responsibility of what it means to be a friend.

Have you had to pull back from a friendship recently? Let me know below.

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